I have given birth to three babies, all boys. So I have made this choice three times already. Circumcision seems like it should be such a small matter, but I now realize it has the capacity to divide people. Strong feelings emerge whenever the subject comes up. With that being said, my purpose in sharing this is not to stir up a controversy, but simply to share a little of what my family has been going through in these past few weeks that I have abandoned my blog, which I still like, but as you see, my energy has been elsewhere!
I would never think to criticize another for their choice about circumcision, even if they chose the opposite of me. What I don't like is when a doctor, for his cultural reasons, tries to impose his choice upon me.
Three times after my babies were born I chose not to circumcise. The reasons were varied- such as believing that they were already perfect, so why change anything surgically and not wanting them to suffer any pain, and finally because my faith doesn't require it.
Last May our youngest son got a sudden infection of his penis. M and I had no previous experience with anything like that, and we took our baby to the local Emergency Room. The physician who saw us immediately told us our son would have to be circumcised, but he brought in a specialist, an urologist to consult. The urologist told us a circumcision definitely wasn't necessary or even helpful. Antibiotics were prescribed, and our son quickly recovered. We were happy to keep our son intact and quickly tried to put the experience behind us.
But, nearly three weeks ago our youngest got another infection. We quickly brought him to the pediatrician. Oh it has been such a learning experience! Our pediatrician told us that our son had "Phimosis" and should be circumcised. Not knowing what phimosis was, we started considering circumcision because of course we want what is best for our son, and we realize the doctors are experts, not us. So we made an appointment to see a specialist in October, an urologist who can do the surgery if necessary.
Meanwhile our son quickly recovered again with antibiotics. M and I started looking for answers to questions such as "What is phimosis, and why must you circumcise because of it?"
We have learned that phimosis simply means a foreskin doesn't retract.
In a Statement from the British Association of Paediatric Urologists on behalf of the British Association of Paediatric Surgeons and the Association of Paediatric Anaesthetists, they have this to say about the foreskin: "The Natural History of the Foreskin: There is developmental variability in the appearance of the normal foreskin throughout childhood and puberty. The inner foreskin is attached to the glans. Foreskin adhesions break down and form smegma pearls- white cysts under the foreskin which are then extruded. The foreskin does not retract before the age of 2 years. (This was interesting to us because our youngest is still under the age of two years.) The process of retractility is spontaneous and does not require manipulation. The majority of boys will have a retractile foreskin by 10 years of age, and 95% by 16- 17 years of age."
At our next well baby visit a week later with our pediatrician, I told him what my husband and I had learned about phimosis. He then told us our son had phimosis- with balanitis. He also said that normally he allows parents to make the choice about circumcision, but he wouldn't in our case as he felt that circumcision was the only course of action. This led me to wonder what he would do if we told him we would not consent to have our son circumcised, but I said nothing, and wrote down the new word, balanitis, to be able to learn more about later.
I went back to the statement from the British Association of Paediatric Urologists etc. and this is what is says about Balanitis: "Balanitis refers to inflammation of the glans that often spreads along the shaft and may occur in the circumcised population. Treatment: Simple bathing, topical steroids, and antibiotics."
Hmmm. It seems our pediatrician wants us to circumcise our son to manage his phimosis which at his age is completely normal, and he wants to circumcise because of the balanitis which is the inflammation caused by the infection that was in our sons' case, cured by the antibiotics. If this balanitis also occurs in circumcised people, then I wonder, how does circumcising our son help him?
It is hard, because we have to wait for our appointment in October to speak with an urologist. M is horrified by our pediatrician's insistence upon circumcision for our son when the reasons he gives aren't valid. M has told me many times that this type of infection must be managed very differently in Italy, because there circumcision is rare.
I contacted "Doctors Opposing Circumcision" and they have been a terrific source of information, and support. They are trying to help us find a "foreskin friendly" doctor here in Reno, and they have helped clear up a lot of the questions I have had. One of the physicians that has so kindly taken the time to correspond with me has told me "the diagnosis of phimosis in a patient of your son's age is NOT tenable since his foreskin has not retracted. Phimosis is a non-diagnosis in this case." Their lawyer has also written to us letting us know that "balanitis is only cause for a change in hygiene or a need for antibiotics, same as for a female". He also said "recurrent penile infections, just like colds and sniffles, are common in boys, intact or not. In the old days people paid so little attention these passed (cured themselves and ran their course) before they were noticed." He also advised "Stand your ground, Do Not sign any surgical consents at all." and he wanted us to know that he would be happy to defend us and our son's rights if it should become necessary.
We are still trying to find a new pediatrician that would treat any future infections our son may get, conservatively. Of course it can't happen quickly enough for me, and I find myself impatient. I wish I knew how one of my sons got these two infections when the other two boys (also uncircumcised) have never had anything like it.
How quickly I fell, from being a very confident mom, full of the wisdom 14 years of parenting have given to me, to feeling completely overwhelmed and grasping for answers. Parenting certainly isn't for the faint hearted.
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Edited to add:
I was wondering where you'd been. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. What an arrogant (and ignorant) pediatrician! I hope you can find a doctor who respects your son's right to remain whole, and your and your husband's right to decide what's best for him.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, your confidence may have faltered for a bit, but you are still a great mom!
Oh my dear Amber, I am so sorry! I know exactly what you mean about having your confidence shaken as a Mom, it happens to me too at times.
ReplyDeleteI have two girls, so the circumcision issue never came up. However, me being from England, and my husband being from Taiwan we would not have got any sons we had circumcized either. It is just not done routinely at birth where we are from, unless there are religious indications.
I admire your tenacity to learn all you can about what is best for your son. I am also glad that you now have professional support, and can choose to get the care you want, and know is best for your little boy.
I also hope that you will not allow this to undermine what we all know you are, an amazing Mother!
Doctors in America get paid by the procedure. The more procedures they do the more money they make. There is no $$$$ incentive for them to take the nonsurgical way of addressing a problem. He is simply greedy.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have boys either, so I didn't have to have the circ discussion with Hubby, but I am strongly against circumcision as well. If I ever have a boy I may come to you for advice!
ReplyDeleteKC, thank you so much! It is hard to live with regrets, and I wouldn't have these regrets if I had been informed first. What a hard way to learn that lesson. My confidence definitely took a tumble. But I have also been learning a lot, and I am trying to find solace in that.
ReplyDeleteMo, thank you! You are right, we do have professional support now, and we feel we are lucky to choose to get the care we need for our little one. I am trying not to let this get me down, but instead to focus on what I can learn, and eventually sharing that with others. Knowledge is power!
Anon- I fear you are right about the $$$ especially as I have learned recently that circs cost upwards of $600. and they turn around and use the collagen in the foreskin to sell to make up companies... foreskins = dollars. It is so sad. But I also feel that the majority of American doctors aren't educated about the foreskin, or at least the conservative care of it.
Kelsi, I am happy you never had to worry about circumcisions, and of course I am happy, -no actually I would be thrilled to share all that I have learned with you.
So strange to heard about a doctor who wants to impose his will about a non-necessary surgical operation that- according to me- could make your boy "different" forever.
ReplyDeleteok, it's not an important difference, ok it would be nothing at all if it was made for his sake...but it's not.
I don't care if it's for money, for faith or for what, here in Italy he could be reported at least to the Medical order.
The circumcision matter wouldn't touch me even if I still don't know if I have a boy or a girl here because in Italy it's something unused but I think I can understand you about your thorughs about being a good mother but I think you are just because you took the doctor opinion, you did your best to check about the necessity of circumcision, you dedided informed and with your son's safety and health in mind only.
This boy is a little bit more frail about infections than other two but it's not your fault and you're doing your best to preserve him!
Claudia you are right! It would make him "different" and it would also be a loss. There are many reasons keeping a foreskin intact is desirable. My husband and I want our son to be able to choose for himself, and judging by what his older brothers say, we think he probably will not choose to become circumcised.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to oversimplify it, but I think the fundamental problem here is in the way that doctors here in the U.S. are educated. They have been taught to do things "one way" and many have not ever seen a foreskin except in some of their patients.
Very recently my husband was in Italy and he spoke with our old pediatrician there who assured him that our son (if he were to get another infection) has nothing wrong with him that can't be cured by antibiotics and possibly topical steroids. We have also learned that with time the foreskin will mature and be less likely to get skin infections. So we have hope! We have also learned from a doctor that while we have to keep him clean (of course) we also must not be too vigilant. He must not be "too clean" as this can interfere with his skin's natural balance.
I thank you for your comment about it not being our fault- it is good to be reminded that parents don't have to be "perfect" in order to be good parents.
Claudia since you live in Italy, I am so happy for you that you wouldn't even have to consider circumcision. Circumcision is not the norm there, and I think this demonstrates very well that the circumcision thing here is mostly just a matter of culture or at least the ideology in which a doctor is educated here.
Thank you for commenting!